Are we searching for one or the one?

Hello guys, sorry I have been silent. Life just took over like it knows how to….almost got lost for a second hahaha

Anyway, today I’m sharing a piece a dear friend of mine shared with me. I was in a slump, disheartened and swearing off love…then she put everything in to context. Well…..here goes and I hope it helps you as it did me.

Who knew we would understand the balance between love and clingy behaviour using shoes, crazy right?!🤷

Without wax; Cox.

Do we ever really learn from our “mistakes?”

In a world where mistakes are often termed as learning opportunities, do we really learn from them or do we simply go back to making the same “mistakes?”

Jeanine knew her relationship with Jean was abusive however she could never being herself to face the fact. This was due to a number of reasons; the similarity in names, the way they met, the poster perfect pictures they took, the effortlessness with which they made love and hang around each other….the list was endless.

If it was all so perfect, one might wonder how she knew she was being abused? Well, for starters it was in the unsaid words, the half hearted gestures, the tactful way in which her ideas were side skirted, and a general feel of not feeling valued. All these were things she couldn’t point out but felt. Little did Jeanine know she was dealing with a serial narccisst. Eventually, push came to shove and after Jeanine taking more than she could stomach in form of psychological abuse she called it quits.

The removal of the labels didn’t stop her from missing Jean immensely and thinking that she had made a mistake. After months of crying, depression and low self love, she managed to venture out again.

It’s like Jeanne sensed it and there he was once again. Sadly, Jeanine knew that as ugly as it was, if push comes to shove she would let him in again. Hence the question do we ever learn from our “mistakes?”

Living in a world where double standards are the norm.

So….today I sat across the table from my friends as we had a tea break. Amidst our conversation and chatter I realised that we have had so much change in the world only for us to stay in the same place.

This particular epiphany happened when *Tom stated that “it’s different if a woman sleeps with say 30 men. Her vagina loses elasticity and also it’s just not right! How shall I marry her knowing she has been around. For a man it’s prowess. It’s a man thing.” There it was, a double standard that has become so normalised it’s maddening!!!

The idea that a woman’s worth despite attaining so much and possibly having a lot more to offer is reduced to her sexuality. And yet, for some reason men don’t view their colorful past or present with as much disdain as they do women’s. It was apparently clear that all the years of advocating for women’s rights, education, equality and globalisation have in fact not caused any real change as we might assume. At the core of humanity is the deeply ingrained notion of what a woman should be, and any one that acts contrary has to be branded an outcast.

It’s saddening to come to terms with the fact that as a woman, all your accomplishments, dreams and desire to just be yourself are curtailed by society and its expectations visited on a version of a womanhood that is no more. With the ever increasing need to chip in financially, carry the emotional baggage and sacrifice to keep the family together, one would think that a woman’s standing in society would be commensurate to the responsibility taken on over time (that originally belonged to the men); where may be, just may be some of the freedoms allowed men are allowed women.

Like Samantha Jones says ” having a lot of sex takes nothing away from a man, it shouldn’t take anything away from a woman either. We are so much more than who or how many people we have sex with.”

But alas, we live in a man’s world where sadly, double standards rule.A sensual and sexual woman is frowned upon publicly regardless of her positive contribution to society yet revered privately.

Signed; Cox.

Is happiness elusive or have we just failed to recognise it?

*Deidre can’t get rid of the idea that happiness in its purest form will come to her after she has moved out of her parent’s house, earns a six figure salary in a foreign currency while living in a low cost country, and has enough clout at her job to work 55 hour weeks while her colleagues do 80 or so…

Funny enough, all of us have a Deidre within us. We strive for something believing it will make us happy only to get it and look for another. We are always striving to get happiness from the outside and forget that finding happiness is an in ward looking search. We are always looking for the next car, the next job, the next friend, the next relationship , the next…..etc.

The more we attach happiness to what can be attained on the outside, the more it eludes us. Does that mean we give up? No. On the contrary it’s in our best interests to turn the zeal with which we pursue external “happiness” on to our inner most beings. Who knows what a profound sense of peace and happiness can be realised once you discover who you really are.

So….the next time you think of the next some thing that will make you smile, take a step back and truly think of you before chasing the wind.

Find happiness from within.😄

Signed, Cox.

Novelty v the familiar.

So….musings online…..an idea born and three years later, my first post. Life can be interesting with it’s ups and downs. Sometimes you need the downs to help you get to the ups. And this is one of the “ups” for 2020….writing down my thoughts. Welcome…

In a world where novelty is desired in all our relationships, do we lose a portion of ourselves in pursuit of a new high?

Take for instance, anyone dealing with loss, exhaustion or a routine, there’s always that niggling feeling that the best is yet to come or what we have lost or are going through is a step to something entirely new. What happens when it’s one bad run after another? Do we cease to believe in new beginnings or do we trudge on in hopes of the “new and better” thing being right around the corner?  Only waiting for us to do the work and uncover it’s elusive shape.

What happens as we wait? Do we run around in circles frantically searching or do we struggle to exercise a virtue few of us have; patience? Do we err on the wrong side of caution to hope for a better job, better family, better family or better romance hence losing who we truly are?

How much easier would it be to simply enjoy life’s little pleasures? A bright sunrise, a steaming cup of tea (or coffee), a perfect yoga session or a smile with a stranger as we wait for the next big thing. 

In short, take care of what’s familiar as you hope and wait for the new.

Signed; Cox.